2012

2012. Wow. I can't believe this year is almost over. As I look back on the year I realize that I did a lot of traveling and a lot of running. Somehow I always end up traveling, even when I do silly things like going to grad school that really should make traveling an economic impossibility, but somehow the universe keeps working in my favor. Overall the year was fairly miraculous. The journey from finishing school, going 7 months unemployed, and finding a job and moving to California was never dull. The year was jam packed with adventure, heart break, best friends, loads of change, days at the pool, miles on the pavement, and lots of love both given and received. I am one incredibly blessed girl and this year, like so many others, was full of undisputable evidence of that fact.

Here are just a couple of highlights from 2012.

January: Ran my 1st half marathon - Disney World
February: Went to the Grand Canyon!
March: Went to Seattle on a career trip for school cause I thought I would end up working there :)
April: FINISHED GRAD SCHOOL! Ran my 2nd half marathon - Salt Lake Marathon, SLC
         And my baby sister got married!
May: Went to South Dakota to see Mt. Rushmore - cross it off the bucket list!
          Turned 30!
June: Visited my lovely, darling friends, Emily and Natalie, in Phoenix, AZ
         Ran my first Ragnar - Wasatch Back
July: Led a group of girls in C25K and cheered them on at their first 5k!
August: Miraculously had the opportunity to attend the wedding of one of my very best friends.
September: Ran my 3rd half marathon - Disneyland! Completed the Coast to Coast Challenge!
October: Ran my 4th half marathon - Utah Marathon - SLC
November: Accepted a job with the March of Dimes and moved to California
                 Visited my dad for a quick weekend in NYC
December: Started a new job, made weekly visits to San Francisco, met loads of new people,and spent a wonderful Christmas holiday with my mom.

2012 was not a bad year, indeed. Now to top it all in 2013. Looks like the pressure is on. I am going to have to make some seriously awesome resolutions.

My Jolly Holiday or I Love My Mom SO Much!

Well, I have now been in California for a full month. I am in that strange place where that seems completely unbelievable both because it seems like there is no way that I could have been here that long, but also because I am shocked that so much has happened and it has only been a month. 

I had an absolutely incredible Christmas. My mom came out and we pretty much had nonstop fun for 4 days. We went to see the Oakland temple, went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, the California Academy of Sciences, had dinner in Sausalito on the water, saw the Union Square Christmas tree, saw the Golden Gate Bridge, wore matching Christmas pajamas, met up with old friends, participated in an impromptu live nativity with my singles ward, watched White Christmas, Elf, and Mixed Nuts, saw the Baylands, and wrapped it all up with Chinese food for Christmas dinner a la A Christmas Story. I won't lie, I cried when she left. But mostly I was just happy that she got to come out. It was a very Merry Christmas indeed!

So surreal.

Merry it was Christmas! I will post about my jolly holiday soon, but first I wanted to brag about today's weather! I met up with my dear friend Janhavi for lunch today. We spent the better part of our childhood together and haven't seen each other in  at least 6 years, and it had been even longer before that.  It was so good to catch up. It has been wonderful catching up with old friends, they have all grown to be the most amazing women. After lunch we went to get cupcakes and ate them outside. Outside. Folks, it is the 27th of December and the sun was shining bright!  I think moving here was not a bad idea.

In running news, my brother got here this week and I took him  out with me for a run last night. He hasn't been out running in a long time and I am pretty sure the run was a bit brutal for him, but it just made me exited for him. While it is certainly difficult, I love the initial feeling of conquering the run. I love when you are first starting out and you feel stronger every day, each run is a milestone and every step takes you further than you have ever gone before.

It was also just nice to have a running buddy. Hopefully he is as exited about this as I am!

Ladies of Luxury

Last night I went out for an evening of holiday cheer with some girls from my ward. They have a little group that they call the Ladies of Luxury. They get together every once in a while to do fancy things and last night was no exception. We went up to San Francisco to see The Nutcracker at The San Francisco Ballet. It, of course, was incredible. Everytime I go to the ballet I wonder why I don't do it more often, I find it inspiring, and I could always use more of that in my life. The theater was so fancy, and for an added bonus, they had juice boxes and butter cookies at intermission. That part may not have been fancy and luxurious, but it was fun. I can't remember the last time I had a juice box. It was delish.

It is again a small world. I came in late with another girl who had ridden BART up with me because our jobs had us running a little behind. The theater was dark, so we just took a couple of empty seats near the rest of our group. At intermission the people who had those seats came and we all shuffled around a little to make sure we were all in the right place. I ended up next to a girl named Carlee who knew Erin Masihdas! Yet again, it's a small world after all!

After the show we went to the Top of the Mark and had fancy dessert while a fancy pianist played some fancy tunes and we looked out on the city and it's incredibly fancy view.This is a lifestyle that I would not mind becoming accustomed to.

Speaking of which, I have now been in California for two weeks. And I think I am starting to become accustomed. It does still freak me out a little bit everyday when I get on the 280 and start my commute. The commute to the place I work from the place I live. Yeah, definitely still weird. But fancy.

Weekend Update: Holiday Party Style

Let me tell you what, if you ever have to uproot your life and start everything brand new 600 miles away from home you should do it during the holidays. There has been so much going on here, and this weekend was PACKED with parties and activities that totally rocked my world. Saturday morning I went to a Christmas Morning Party that was hosted by the chief party girls in the Stanford 2nd Ward. More than 60 people showed up in their PJs, exchanged white elephant gifts, drank hot coco, and ate to their hearts' content.

Next was a Relief Society activity where, among other things, we decorated sugar cookies! I have a lot of love for the Relief Society. It is so good to have a place to go and just hang out with the girls. There are so many incredible, intelligent, and fabulously fun women around here. I have been here just under 2 weeks and I have already been blown away by the kindness of everyone I have met.

Saturday night I went to an Ugly Christmas Sweater party. (See photo above) I only found out about the party Saturday morning. As I didn't have an ugly sweater, I decided to wear a fabulous party sweater. I figured I had to make it clear that I wasn't participating so that people wouldn't think my everyday sweater was an ugly one. YIkes. This party was packed with people from all over the Bay Area. I made some fun new friends, among whom were some hilarious guys who came down from the city. We hit up In N Out after the party and I am pretty sure that we will all be best friends forever more. Late night post-party burger runs work wonders for new friendships.

Sunday was church, which kind of counts as a party. We sand Christmas songs and I got to see all of the new friends that I had met the day before at the parties. It totally counts.

After church I drove out to Livermore for a Gingerbread House Decorating party that was put on by Kristin who was my best friend when I lived out here as a kid. It was so fun to see her and to catch up a bit. I am pretty sure we are going to see if we can't have a slumby at her parent's house sometime this week for old time's sake.

After the party I got back in the car and headed back to Palo Alto. It was a long drive, but luckily it was also gorgeous. Livermore is out past rolling green hills and vineyards that were dotted with grazing cattle. On the way out there it was sunny and about 65 degrees. Seriously?! It is December. The weather is one thing that I am certainly not having a hard time getting adjusted to.

The evening ended with a German Advent dinner. We had bratwurst, sauerkraut, cabbage, and lots of other delicious German foods. The German speakers who were in attendance sang a German carol and we lit candles that counted for Advent and Hanukkah. There were gold coins for Hanukkah and we enjoyed throwing them at one another.

By the time the party wound down, I was absolutely exhausted. I felt happy, loved, and included. Things have been a little wild, but it couldn't have come at a better time. This is exactly what I need to be able to connect with people and get a bit of a jump start on my crazy new life out here.

Almost every day, probably especially when I see the temperature and it isn't in the 30s, I think to myself, "Seriously?! I live in California?!", and it freaks me out a little bit every time. I still can't believe that I am doing this. But here I am. And I am jumping right into the deep end, and you know what? The water's fine.

Working 9 to 5

For 6 1/2 months I woke up every day wondering what I was going to do with my life. Then I got up, maybe searched for some jobs, watched some TV, cleaned my room, did some traveling, went for a swim or a run, took a nap, spent time with my friends and family, and again, wondered what on Earth I was going to do with my life. Then one day, I got a call for an interview, and 4 weeks later I am living in California. Monday through Friday from 9 to 5, I know where I am going to be. 

The door to the office. Where the adventure begins.

 My first day of work was good. We did some orientation, had a staff meeting, I learned how to use the copiers, and I learned where the bathrooms are.  I feel good about the office and the job, and feel really good about the people that I work with. There are aspects of the job that scare me to death and I hope that I can really do this. I think I can. Today was even better than yesterday. We started talking specifics and I am getting a better feel for exactly what I will be doing. I am still scared.

First day of work picture. The mirror at home is small, so the only one I really had access to was the one in the bathroom at work. Classy, I know, but I am a girl and felt it was a necessary thing to document.

I am really looking forward to my life in a couple of weeks when I am settled in and can start to feel like I actually know what I am doing. Though honestly, I can't complain. While I am still nervous and working on making both my work and living situations feel more like home, so many wonderful things have happened since I have gotten here that have helped me to feel like I belong and have helped me to feel like moving out here was a good decision. I would be a hot mess for sure if I didn't feel that reassurance. 

My desk. Complete with bamboo plant! 

I am thinking of naming the bamboo plant on my desk. Any suggestions?

WEEKEND UPDATE!

So, I know that I already told you about most of the weekend, but I just had to take a minute to highlight my totally awesome Sunday.

Denise was kind enough to let me tag along with her to church. I made some new friends and bumped into some old ones (It's a small world after all! Especially in the Mormon world!). The ward here is packed to the brim with good-looking, intelligent, and kind people. It is really intimidating. But like I said, they are nice, so that makes it a little bit easier. And one of the girls in the ward remembered me from when I visited this summer and invited me to hang out with her "Ladies of Luxury" club! We are going to go see The Nutcracker and we are going to be awesome. I feel good about both of those things.

At the end of church my friend Dean (who was in my Provo ward), came to find me and said that he needed a soloist for one of the songs the ward choir is singing for the Christmas program and asked me to fill the spot. Why not?! So, off to choir I went. I got a ride home with one of Denise's roommates and she, like everyone else, was absolutely delightful.

My dear Dean friend had me over for dinner and I ate my first hot meal (not including that Little Ceaser's pizza) in almost a week. I was so grateful and was very happy just to not be eating alone. After dinner I went back to Denise's and watched the First Presidency Christmas Devotional with a group of people from the ward.

I also got to talk to my mom and several good friends at the end of the day. I went to bed feeling happy and loved. This may just all work out after all :)

The Hills Were Alive!

 I will never think of the Sound of Music the same way again. We had a great time. The theater was in the Castro district, so the show was packed full of girls who had always wanted to grow up to be Julie Andrews and packed full of boys who had also always wanted to grow up to be Julie Andrews. We sang at the top of our lungs, booed and hissed at the Baroness and at the nazis, laughed at well, pretty much everything, and cheered madly when the Captain and Maria finally kissed. We even got two little pieces of edelweiss to wave during the song. I really loved it when the nazis were looking for the Von Trapps in the abbey and several people pulled out flashlights to aid in the search.  It was hilarious. 

I drove up with two girls from the ward and we met up with about 10 other people from the ward. We didn't stick with them for long however, and the three of us ended up sitting by ourselves because the drunkies in front of us were a little out of control and kept making jokes that they thought were funny, but they really weren't. Overall, we had a simply marvelous time!

This morning I went to the Oakland Temple. It is so nice having a place to go anywhere in the world that feels like home. The icing on that cake is that the nativity was all set up.  I remember driving up to see the Christmas lights at the temple when I was a kid. It is funny to go back as a grown up. I cannot believe that it is already December! My how time flies. But I am kind of counting on that right now. Things are getting better, but I am looking forward to life in a few weeks when I am a little more settled in and feeling more at home. Until then, here's to the holidays!  

I'm Going on an Adventure!

One of my favorite things to do on Thanksgiving is to go to a movie with the girls in my family. For the last 2 Thanksgiving, that means we have been at the first showing Thanksgiving morning for the last 2 movies in the Breaking Dawn series. I won't lie, I find them utterly entertaining. They are good enough to keep my attention, and bad enough to keep me laughing. I think it's a great time.  But that isn't really what I want to talk about.

Before the movie there was a preview for The Hobbit. At one point in the preview Bilbo Baggins is running away from his home, apparently trying to catch up with the rest of his traveling group. Some little hobbit neighbors ask where he is off to and he just yells over his shoulder, "I'm going on an adventure!"

That is exactly how I feel. The last couple of weeks have flown by so quickly and I feel like I just ran away from home, shouting back to all who would listen that I am going on an adventure!

Tuesday morning I finished cramming everything I own into my Mazda 3 and headed west.

Thanks Mazda for making a tiny car that can fit so much stuff! And thanks Milla for reminding me that "I've got this.

"

 Highlight of the trip. Restroom's what? Thanks Elko! 

Sunset leaving Nevada

The last few days have been a blur. They have included a LOT of driving and a LOT of cleaning.

I am just finally starting to feel like things are coming together and that all of this might just work out after all. When I first arrived, the house that I am staying in was entirely empty. There was supposed to be a bed, but there wasn't. There wasn't much of anything. I don't know how long it has been since the house was lived in, but I can tell you that things hadn't been cleaned in a LONG time. I thanked heaven that I had tossed my sleeping bag in the car at the last minute before I left, I laid the sleeping bag out on the ground in an empty bedroom and tried not to wonder what I had gotten myself into.

I totally experienced that moment of panic where I started asking, "What on EARTH was I thinking packing up my life and moving 600 miles away from home, friends, and family?!" I thought about the fact that it would be totally possible for me to just put everything back in the car and sleep in my own bed again before the week was out.

The next day I cleaned, cleaned some more, went to Costco for food, and went to Target for an air mattress.

Thanks Mom!

Thanks Target!

Now that things are a little cleaner, my stuff is all starting to find a place in the house, and after getting a good night's sleep...and maybe not getting up until 10:30 this morning, I am feeling much better about the world and the adventure that is before me. Even when I thought about the possibility of going back home, I knew that I wouldn't do it. I am going on a adventure. No one said that all of the adventure would be wildly exciting adventure, adventure is a package deal, and it comes with a fair amount of crazy. So, it all started out a little more adventurously than I had planned, but this is what I signed up for and I know that it will get better and continue to keep getting better.

To leave you with the hope that I am not entirely tragic right now, I will say that I have already connected with some friends of friends in the area and I am going to a Sound of Music Sing-a-long in San Francisco tomorrow! Boosh! Let the fun adventure begin!

For now I am safe, and still happy thinking of all of the people who love me back at home and who were so kind and instrumental in supporting me in this grand new adventure. I left with some handmade Christmas decorations, a box of life (and sanity) saving supplies, money for my first Costco visit, and with the memories of lots of good pizza with wonderful friends, more parties, trips for ice cream, zombie killing video games, an awesome new journal, good talks, and lots of hugs. I love all of you, and you had all better get out here to visit me soon!

The adventure continues!

Well, the job interview went well yesterday (I think, it is always so hard to tell), and apparently the next step is...yet another interview. I wasn't sure when I was going to hear back, so I decided to make the most of my day instead of just sitting around waiting for the phone to ring. First, I drove up to Oakland and spent some time at the LDS temple there. It was beautiful. I love to go to the temple when I need to get away from the busyness of the world and just spend some time thinking and praying. 

Next, I headed to Costco to get gas. THANK HEAVEN for Costco and for cheaper gas. Just before I pulled into Costco, I got a phone call...

I have another interview tomorrow.

Phone interview. 11:00am.

I am hoping that the fact that all of this is happening so quickly is a good thing.

With the interview scheduled, and my gas tank full, I headed out to Half Moon Bay. The beach is another great place to go to get away from the world and find a little clarity :) I think it has something to do with the water. I also think that those of us who were born in California are connected to the coast. I feel so at home on the beach. I feel so much like myself there. Oh, and BONUS, while I was there I saw dolphins jumping! DOLPHINS! In the wild! I consider that one step close to seeing a whale. That is my one true dream.

After the beach I stopped by Redwood City to check out the house I would most likely be staying in if I get the job out here. Isn't it great? It used to be my grandma's house and I hadn't been there at all for almost 20 years. It is funny how easy it can be to feel 10 years old again.

Speaking of feeling tiny, I ended the evening by going out to dinner with my best friend from the good old San Jose days. We went out with her parents and her boyfriend and laughed about how we used to dance to Paula Abdul in her backyard and about how we miss watching Jem after school. No matter what happens with the job, this trip has been really great. It is incredible to have an opportunity to reconnect with people who were such an important part of your life for so long, and then, even after all these years, they still feel like family. 

Today, I am grateful for Kristin! Thanks for being an incredible friend. You are a beautiful person, and I am proud to know you!

Running 13.1 miles vs Driving 13.1 hours

As I drove for hours and hours and hours yesterday, I thought about how running long distances has made it easier for me to handle anything in life that takes a great deal of stamina.  And I came up with this -

 How running 13 miles and driving 13 hours are similar:

Mile/Hour 1 - I am ready to go! I have my playlist, am rocking out to my first song and I feel like I am on top of the world!

Mile/Hour 4 - I am still feeling good. Surprisingly good, actually. I am proud of myself for pacing myself well and feel like I could go for days.

Mil/Houre 6 - I need a snack. Drink more water.

Mile/Hour 7 - I have gone more than halfway! YAY! But I still have about halfway to go! BAH!

Mile/Hour 9 - I am a rockstar. I have done something amazing. This race is MINE!

Mile/Hour 10 - I hurt. My legs hurt (or in the car, I can't feel my bum anymore). Why? Why do I do this? What ever made me think I could do this?! Why am I doing this?!

Mile/Hour 11- Just keep going. Just keep going. Just keep going. Just keep going. Just keep going. Just keep going. Just keep going. Just keep going. Just keep going. Just keep going.

Mile/Hour 13 - Almost done! Don't think, just go! Surge to the finish!

Finish line! - Oh, that wasn't bad at all! When are we doing it again?

It was a little scary how similar these two experience were for me. But it was nice, because I felt like I knew what to expect. So much of running is mental. You just settle in and go, and eventually you make it to the end. But you have to pace yourself, you have to plan, and you have to be patient. This is also great advice for driving. :)

Nevada is boring...

I drove through Nevada for a really long time today...and with zero cell service. There is not much to see in northern Nevada.  (see photo) In good news, tonight I am sleeping in the home that I used to always go to slumber parties at as a kid. The parents of my best friend (from about age 2, you'll we were ten) were kind enough to put me up while I am out here in Cali.

The drive out here was good. I'll post soon about how long distance running has made long road trips more bearable. But right now I an going to sleep. I traveled for 13 hours today, am one hour back for time zone, and another for daylight savings. I'm fried.

Oh, and today I am grateful for friends who support you even if they only see you once every 3-5 years.

More gratitude - family style.

Today I am grateful for these nerds (and the other two siblings who were too young to swim at the time).  I am also grateful for a mom who bought swim team buttons with our pictures on them. Who could ask for more?

PS My California adventure starts bright and early tomorrow morning! Put good things out in the universe for me, will ya?

Matt and Lou

It's Saturday, so you don't get much of a post :)

On this 3rd day of November, I just wanted to say that I am grateful for my baby sister and brother-in-law. I dropped by their place tonight to pick up a tent for my trip next week and on my way out the door Matt stopped me and said, "If you need anything, just call Emily and we will come and rescue you." And he meant it. No matter where I was, they would come to save the day. It was the sweetest thing ever. I sure love these two kids.

I went back!

I DID IT!

 I WENT BACK TO TREADMILL CLASS!

I wasn't kidding last time when I said that I felt all kind of crazy shame for bailing out of class early on Monday. I am notorious for trying something once, sucking at it, and running away, but this time I went back! What a brave thing I did. Yay me.

In other news, today I am grateful for people who treat me incredibly well even though they don't really know me. Specifically, I am grateful for Monte, who works at the Mazda dealership in Orem, and Julie, who owns a studio called Bouffant in Springville, and is the only person on the planet who I trust to cut my hair.

These people see me maybe once every 2 months and they always greet me like I am an old friend. Monte recognizes my car on the road because he knows the stickers that I have on the back of my car.  Julie always remembers to ask about the silly little details of my life that we talked about last time I was in to get my hair done.

It means a lot. They could just smile and say thanks, and their job would be done, but they truly invest in me as a person, not just as a customer. I hope that I am like that to others. I hope that I don't save my kindness only for those who earn it, but that I treat everyone well - like they deserve to be treated. I am so grateful for people who care even though they honestly don't have to. They make this world a better place.

NOVEMBER! I'M THANKFUL!

Wow. It's November. That means that 2013 is like, tomorrow. You know how the end of the year goes. Once November hits, it's all over. 

But I do love November. Since the rise of social media, there has been a trend this time of year to make daily posts throughout November of something that you are grateful for. It is a great opportunity to take stock of your blessings and maybe regain some healthy perspective on just how good we all have it in this life. 

Today  my December issue of Runner's World came. The cover article is one on "Real Runners." You know, those of us who aren't pretend - like those robot professional runners out there in the world. The article highlights everyday people who get out and pound the pavement. Some have been running for a year, and some have been running their entire lives. This got me thinking about my own journey.

I just ran my fourth half marathon (this year and, in fact, ever)  about 3 weeks ago. I have never been much of an athlete, and had actually convinced myself that I "just wasn't like that."  My body just didn't work like that. It wasn't good at working out, and it certainly wasn't good at running. 

Now, I haven't become an amazing runner who wins lots of races; I struggle to keep up a good routine, and I am certainly a middle-of-the-pack, if not a back-of-the-middle-of-the-pack runner. But I love it. I love knowing that my body is capable of so much more than I ever thought it was. I love the feeling that comes when you run one more mile further than you ever have before. I love the powerful lesson of just putting one foot in front of the other, even when it seems like you can't take another step. I love having a new view of myself, knowing that I can do hard things.

So, for day one of being grateful, I am grateful for running.  I am grateful for what it has taught me, and grateful that it has made both my body and my soul stronger.  

Scary New Happenings

This is what I did today. One of my very dearest friends works at Adobe and invited me to their crazy Halloween party. There were hundreds of people there and the line to get into their haunted offices was more than an hour long wait. But that was ok - they had snakes.Yikes.

But the scariest part was this: about half way through our haunted journey (that included everything from zombies and a gory haunted Olympics to Neverland, Lord of the Rings, and Hunger Games) I got an email. It was from the March of Dimes. After my phone interview on Friday, they have officially invited me to come out to San Jose for a second interview. They said they wouldn't be contacting me until the end of the week...I was excited and scared and scared all at the same time.

I am going to go. For heaven's sake, 7 months into unemployment you start feeling a lot better about taking risks. Who knows what will happen, but no matter what, I am in for a big adventure. Cost effective means I will drive out there this coming Monday. I will interview, maybe see some sights in my old hometown,  hopefully spend a couple of days with some really big redwood trees, and then I will come home. And then maybe my life will change. Drastically. Or it will stay the same, and that is ok, too.

All we can do is wait and see.

Scary. :)

Tready Class - Both a Failure and a Success

For a few weeks now I have been eyeing the treadmill class on my local rec center's fitness classes calendar. I know how to run - one foot in front of the other, right?? But I am also a slow, stick-to-the-basics kind of runner. I rarely do anything but move forward. Sometimes, if I am feeling crazy, I will increase the incline on the treadmill, or create my own speed intervals by playing with the speed button a little bit. Sometimes I will run up some sort of hill when I am outside and call that my hill workout.

So, I am not ashamed to say that 2 weeks after having run my 4th half marathon of the year, I was more than a little nervous to think about showing up at a treadmill class. Luckily, I recently made my Mom read The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Bown and just the other day we talked about leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability. This treadmill class seemed like a perfect opportunity to lean into some discomfort. So, I faced my vulnerability and decided to run with it - literally.

I showed up and class and most of the treadmills were full. There were some running rock stars on the front row, and a couple of normal people on the row behind. I am so grateful for those normal people who made me feel a little better. CLASS. WAS. AWESOME. We warmed up and then our teacher decided that torture was a fun way to pass the time in class. We were going to skip. On our treadmills. At an incline of 10, 12, and 15. Have you ever skipped on a treadmill at maximum incline? It is ape crazy, I tell you. We did some other drills and then kept coming back to the skipping. It may not sound super intense, but please believe me when I tell you that it was. It was so intense that I actually pooped out of class 35 minutes into it - 20 minutes early.

Usually that would mean that I would leave class with my tail between my legs and go home to sit in a tragic ball of shame, vowing to never show that kind of weakness in public again. But it wasn't like that. I hit my limit, left and vowed to go back on Wednesday. I really did enjoy the class, I am just not used to it.  AND THAT IT OK. While it can be incredibly difficult to try something new, I will never grow if I am never willing to work for it. I left class, came home, and found a 20 minute abs and arms workout on fitsugar and counted that as the end of my class.

And next time, I will stay a little longer, grow a little stronger, and soon, I will be kicking that tready's trash...even if it continues to kick mine :)

I'M BACK IN THE GAME!

So, a week or two ago I sent my computer away to my brother for some much needed care. My computer was old and slow and it was time for some upgrades. As fate would have it, in the midst of said upgrades, my computer gave up the ghost. My brother told me that he would try ordering some new memory and see if that would do the trick.  The memory was to come sometime this week and I was going crazy waiting to get my compy back. I felt so liberated to be free of constant connection for the first several days without my computer, but I recently started to experience some serious withdrawals and was getting antsy to be reunited.  So when my brother called today and said he was at my house, I rushed home and what did I find? Not my computer. The laptop he showed up with wasn't mine. Or was it?

It was for me! He had a brand new laptop ready for me! It is a thing of beauty and it far surpasses my old machine. AND the battery actually works so I don't have to always have my computer plugged it! Oh, the modern age! (Turns out it is great to have a brother who is in cahoots with your father who is a computer genius and can produce laptops at the drop of a hat.) 

Truth be told, I will miss my old lappy.  It was one of the first big purchases I had ever made for myself and it carried me through some crazy times, not the least of which was 2 years of grad school. We grew pretty close during that time and I am sad to see him go. However, I am also not complaining! Back to life! Back to applying for jobs! Back to blogging! Back to watching Netflix while I keep myself busy around the house during the day! Speaking of which, I think I'll go catch up on New Girl now...

Three Things Thursday

Thing One:  Tomorrow is Shakespeare Competition. During my time of funemployment, I have been volunteering at a local high school. What do I do there? Well, I help coach their Shakespeare team. "What?" you say. "There is such a thing as a Shakespeare team?" Why yes, yes there is. And my secret talent is teaching high schoolers how to rock the words of The Bard. Are you shocked? Sometimes I am, but it makes me feel productive and quite frankly, I love it. The kids will perform monologues, small scenes, and one big ensemble scene down in Cedar City, home of the Tony award winning Utah Shakespeare Festival. They have been working very hard and I am so excited to see them compete!

Thing Two: It is like Christmas when books that I have on hold at the library finally come in. This one is Wild by Cheryl Strayed. Several years after losing her mother to cancer, Cheryl walked the Pacific Crest Trail on her own. This her story of how she found herself again on that trail. One of the reviews reads,

 “A big, brave, break-your-heart-and-put-it-back-together-again kind of book. Strayed is a courageous, gritty, and deceptively elegant writer. She walked the Pacific Crest Trail to find forgiveness, came back with generosity—and now she shares her reward with us. I snorted with laughter, I wept uncontrollably . . . A beautifully made, utterly realized book.” —Pam Houston, author of Contents May Have Shifted

I love adventure stories, I love memoirs, I especially love stories that combine the two. I can't wait to read this book. I'll let you know how it goes. 

Thing Three: Thai Pumpkin Curry is incredible! Remember how much I love autumn? Well, if I can combine my love of autumn with anything else my love of Thai food - I am in heaven!  I am still going to my old library, so I had to drive a little ways to get my book. I made my mom come with me (because I am a grown up and didn't want to go alone). We went for a walk around the library and the park behind it and then went to Thai Drift for dinner. Maybe this was the second time I have been there this week. It was wonderful again, as was the whole evening actually. October is off to a great start!

Debates!

I watched most of the presidential debate at the gym tonight. I got there a little late, but put in a good 4 miles on the treadmill. I haven't run inside in such a long time! I don't mind it, but the transition is always a little rough. And while the debate was interesting, it wasn't really the kind of tv that keeps me moving.

When things got slow, I tried to help myself forget that I was on a tread by mill by trying to predict what SNL will parody from the debate this weekend. I think they will feature a lot of made up numbers, Romney interrupting everyone,  Big Bird showing up to defend his honor, Obama looking anywhere but at his opponent, and Jim Leher throwing his hands up and giving up all together on moderating. It should be a good show!

First Day of the Best Month of the Year!

October is here! October is BY FAR my favorite month of the year. In fact, this year I have been getting all kinds of emotional about it. Not sure where that is coming from, but I kind of feel like Kristen Bell when she had a sloth come to visit. I just get so excited when I think about autumn, Halloween, crunchy leaves, cooler weather, pumpkin bread, cider, warm soup, cozy sweaters, fall colors in the canyon, carving pumpkins, and all of the other wonderful things about this time of year.

Today I celebrated the first of October at a local farm with my mum, brother-in-law, and my niece and nephew. We went on a trick-or-treat hayride, practiced our lassoing skills (see above), got lost in a corn maze, and took a little visit to the pumpkin patch. I got my very own pumpkin! And yes, I walked out of there just as proudly as all of the six year olds who had picked their perfect pumpkins!

After partying with my favorite munchkins, I went to my dear friend Kathryn's house for pumpkin bread and cider. It is an annual tradition on October 1st and I have been counting down the days with all kinds of anticipation! It was everything I had hoped for; good friends, cozy food, and the official arrival of my favorite time of year!

And, to make everything better, I actually started this morning off by going for a massage. My mum had gotten me a groupon for a 60 minute massage for me to use after the Disneyland Half, it has been almost a month, but I finally got around to using it. It was heaven. The only bad thing about going for massages is that it reminds me how tragic it is that I don't get them more often. Today I was dreaming about how awesome it would be to have my own personal masseuse who would work on me after every long run.

Ah, a girl can dream, can't she?

Today was an incredible way to begin the month and I am so excited to see what this October holds in store for me!

My Gift to You - Happy Friday!

My very dear friend sent this to me the other day. 

Sometimes we aren't very nice to ourselves. When we aren't, we should take the advice of this manatee. 

It's right you know, you are smart and pretty. And you can't argue with a manatee.

If you think this is as funny as I do, you can find more manatees at www.calmingmanatee.com

Happy Friday!

Our outdoor pool is now an indoor pool

The pool is open again! In anticipation of colder weather, the pool was closed for a week so they could put up "the bubble."  The bubble is the seasonal ceiling that they put up to make the community pool an indoor pool. I will really miss swimming outside, but I am grateful that they have a solution so they don't have to close the pool in the off season. 

Since I moved to American Fork, I find myself lucky enough to live only a mile away from the Rec Center. So, tonight I went for a little walk with my mum and then threw on my hattoris, grabbed my cap and goggles, and headed out the door. I wore my tri tank. This is one of my favorite things to do. There is nothing  quite like burning through a quick mile and then jumping in the pool without having to change. There was hardly anyone at the pool. Maybe people just haven't realized that things are open again? Either way, it was lovely to be back in the water. My first swim back after any kind of an absence is usually pretty brutal, and this swim was no exception. But I just took things easy and cut myself some slack. It's not like I'm all that fast anyway, I just like to be in the water. One thing that was really entertaining was that there was an aquatic Zumba class going on. It looked just like regular Zumba class with the teacher up front dancing, but the participants were all in the water. It took  A LOT of bravery for me to try regular Zumba, I don't know if I have the courage for water Zumba...I think I'll just stick to swimming laps.

 When I got home I decided that ice cream and hot fudge are a lot like milk and chocolate syrup. That means an ice cream sundae is like chocolate milk - which makes both of these things great recovery foods, right?  I snuggled up in my bed, clean, but still smelling like chlorine, and enjoyed my delicious treat and a little bit of Robin Hood. I have become quite the TV connoisseur lately. Thank goodness for Netflix. How would I ever survive unemployment without it :)

Well, I will just tell you that tonight was absolutely perfect. Happiness is a good workout and coming home to a cozy bed. I am feeling all warm and fuzzy and every kind of grateful tonight. I guess that all is as it should be.

From My Phone!

Oh. My. Gosh. This is magical. I am posting  from my phone. I know that this is probably boring news to some of you, but I am totally blown away by how cool this is.
Two years ago, I gave up my smart phone for grad school. After graduation, I started dreaming of unlimited data plans and finally being cool enough to pull out my phone and post pictures to instagram like everyone else. Of course, unemployment struck and my grown-up phone wishes ended up further and further out of my reach.
Then, a miracle happened. I traveled with my dad and over the course other trip he noticed just how ghetto my phone was. He also remembered that he had an extra phone lying around that was on his plan, being paid for, and no one was using it.
Being the selfless and unemployed daughter that I am, I volunteered to help him out with that dilemma. A few days later, my phone came in the mail. My smarty-pants phone.
Now I can take pictures of my food and apply a retro filter and post it to instagram! Woot!
And of course, I can post to my awesome blog. Stay tuned for awesomeness. Pictures of food, my shoes, and artsy things I see in my days are coming your way!

Music Monday

I went running the other day and this song came on my ipod. When it was done, I hit repeat. I felt like I could run for days. When you listen to it, you will too.  You can thank me later.

May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground...

fUNemployed

Funemployed is what we are calling it. I will soon be moving into my 6th month of post-graduation unemployment. This has been an exceedingly strange chapter of my life. I have been working or in school (or both) since I was 15 years old. For the first two months after graduation, I wasn't even looking for a job. It was my vacation time. It was heavenly. The next two months were spent looking for jobs and following leads. The last two months have been spent thinking that as long as I keep sending in applications...my whole life will change any minute now....

any minute now...

Um, yeah. Nobody is calling.

It is strange living in the limbo of unemployment. You don't really want to commit to anything because you may just pick and move to wherever your dream job offers to take you tomorrow. For example, I moved 6 weeks ago and I finally decided to hang a picture on the wall in my bedroom two days ago.

So, here is my plan while my life has no plan:  Live in the moment.

I don't think that there will ever be another time in my life quite like this. This is my opportunity to seize the day and start doing all of the things I always wished I could do when I was too busy with work, school. life, etc. I am going to make a wish list of things that I want to do/accomplish/learn while I have the time and then I am going to do what I can to start making those things happen! We'll see just how far we get :)

Any suggestions?

The Happiest Half on Earth!

I did it! Coast to Coast! I ran the Disney World Half in January and just complete the Disneyland Half! And the best part is that my Dad got to be there for this one! He ended up getting into LA late Friday night and was there to pick me up at the airport Saturday morning. That was a miracle folks. He had been stuck in Canada for THREE WEEKS and just happened to make it out the day before I got to California. I was so grateful!

We hit up the expo on Saturday and carb loaded at Naples in Downtown Disney. We hit up Sephora after dinner and we didn't get back to the hotel until midnight.  I set my alarm for 3:30am and tried to fall asleep at quickly as possible. Although I didn't get much sleep, I was wide awake at 3:30. I got my outfit together, set my garmin, strapped on my ipod and my ifitness belt with my phone and camera and headed down to my corral.

I will say there that it is absolute heaven staying on property for a Disney race. Not having to deal with parking and early morning traffic was a dream come true!

At 5:45 the race began and we were off! For the Disneyland race you run through the parks first thing.  There were a lot of great character photo ops, and it was really cool to be able to run through the new Cars Land at dawn when things were still lit up. It is AMAZING and seriously feels just like being in Southern Utah.

My favorite character of the day was Louis the Alligator from The Princess and the Frog. There were separate lines for him and then for Tiana and Naveen. There weren't many people in line for Louis, so I hopped in his line. When I got to the front I ran up to him and I am pretty sure I gave him a hug. He grabbed me and started dancing around, I danced right along.  I think that I said something to the effect of, "I wish I could just take you with me."  At that, he grabbed my hand, left his line, and started to run down Main Street with me!

We ran further than I am sure was appropriate and then Louis turned to head back to his photo line. I said I would come along because I still needed a photo with Tiana and Naveen. Louis grabbed me once again and bypassed the line for Tiana and Naveen and we both got a picture with the Frog Prince and Princess. As I was backing away into the pack of runners Louis pointed at himself, drew a heart in the air, and then pointed at me. I said that I loved him too. It was such a fun moment, exactly what these Disney races are all about.

After the parks, we headed out onto the streets of Anaheim. The sun was high, but the heat wasn't too bad. We ran past lots of classic cars that had been parked along the route, a Mexican dancing group, a Polynesian dancing group, endless cheerleaders and high school marching bands, and several boy and girl scout troops. In fact, the scouting troops lined the entrance and filled the seats in the Angels Stadium.  The stadium was at mile nine and was a much needed boost at the end of the run.

At about mile 11 I pulled my phone out to call my Dad and tell him to expect me soon. I found this on my phone:

My best friend Amy had sent me this picture of her girls cheering for me. I am not telling a lie when I say that it made me cry a little.

I finished the last two miles of the race in high spirits. I high fived Donald Duck at the finish line and claimed my medals. It was an incredible, magical race, and I wouldn't be surprised if I find myself racing with the Mouse again!

Happily Ever After!

I don't have words. I want to say something sweet and heartfelt about how blessed I feel to have been able to spend the last two days with some of my very best friends, and about how grateful I am to have been able to see such a gorgeous bride sealed to her one true love for time and all eternity...

but I don't have any words. I am speechless. I simply cannot believe that I got to be here for this and that I have such incredible people in my life.

Here's to happily ever after - and to being incredibly happy right now.

THANK YOU DELTA!

It is a long story, but I just want to say that I had the BEST CUSTOMER SERVICE EXPERIENCE EVER with Delta Airlines tonight.

I was supposed to fly out to California tomorrow to meet up with my Dad a few days before the Disneyland Half, but due to some incredibly unfortunate events involving Canada and getting back into the US, he will not be able to make his flight tomorrow (and might not be able to come to see me at all for the race - please pray that he makes it).

So, that would have put me in California tomorrow. Without my Dad.

The story gets more complicated when you know that the day after I bought my ticket to Cali, one of my VERY dear friends called and told me that she had moved her wedding day up to THIS Friday. I was stuck.  I see my Dad once every year - maybe and we had coordinated all of our flight plans so we would be leaving and arriving at the same time. Now I was REALLY stuck. I would be in California alone AND I would miss my friend's wedding. Not. Cool.

I called Delta today to see what I could do about changing my ticket. They said that because I had bought my ticket with rewards miles I would have had to make the change with 72 hours notice and that if I didn't fly tomorrow, I would lose my ticket and my miles.

I cried. In fact, I cried like I haven't cried in ages. I sobbed. I had been so sure that I would be able to change my flight and that things would be ok.

After several hours I talked with a friend and with my Mom and they both advised that I call back. So, I did. Same story, but this time I pushed, and this time I gave A LOT more detail about my story (Seriously, if you heard all of the details you would think I was making it up, it was more than a perfect storm of crazy).

To her eternal credit, a WONDERFUL woman named Ann heard me out and worked with me to find a solution.

I am flying out on Saturday. I get to go to my friend's wedding, I will make it just in time for the race, and I pray that my Dad will be there to see me cross the finish line.

Thanks again to Ann and to Delta for making this all happen. I am forever grateful.

Twilight Zone

Today my nephew had his first day of first grade. His first day of school was last week, but that was in kindergarten. After much consideration, his parents decided on Friday that he would skip kindergarten and move onto big kid school.

I was a little worried about my sister sending her last child to school, so last week I went to join her for a group aerobics/circuit training class that some ladies in her neighborhood hold at the local church building.  We got there and the class had been canceled. We went for a run instead. Kindergarten is only half day, so not long after we got back from the run, it was time to pick up my nephew. He was so adorable. I just love seeing all of the little kids whose backpacks are bigger than they are!

Anyway, with today being a bigger day (the first day my nephew would be away ALL day), I headed back out to Eagle Mountain to support my sis. Today the class was Zumba. ZUMBA I tell you! I have been evading invitations to Zumba classes for years. I am no dancer. When I did theater in high school I was always the girl who turned the wrong way in musical numbers. Today was no exception to my long history of mortifying attempts to get me to dance. I think that I shot my sister dirty looks for the first 30 minutes of class. She just laughed, like I knew she would. I kept trying, and by the end, I ALMOST felt like I might live through the experience. Heaven only knows if I will ever have the courage to try again.

I think that one of the strangest things about the class was not actually my inability to find any type of rhythm, but the fact that halfway through class I realized that I had crossed over into the Twilight Zone. I was officially in housewife/stay-at-home-mom territory. It was a magical place where you send your kids to school, go to Zumba, run some errands, go to Costco for samples, paint some bookshelves, go out for froyo, and get back in time to meet your kids at the bus stop. Is this stuff for real?

Did you ever see that 30 Rock episode were Tina Fey hangs out with the housewives in their perfect lives and then discovers that they actually have a fight club? I felt like maybe that was what was happening. Either way, I think unemployment is starting to do strange things to me...

LOGAN!

I just got back from several blissful days in Logan,  UT. One of my very best friends in the entire world lives up there and it is always a wonderful time when I get to see her. We talk for hours, flip through loads of magazines (including the new 900 page September issue of Vogue), watch movies, go out for dinner, and of course I always force Erin to make chocolate chip cookies. They. Are. To. Die. For. So, if you haven't figured it out yet, we always have the perfect Girl's Weekend. This trip was no exception.

As the Disneyland Half Marathon is next week, I wanted to make sure that I got my miles in this weekend.  On Friday, left the house at about 11:00am for and easy four miles around Logan. I love running up here. It is absolutely gorgeous.

 I ran up to the temple and then explored the city a bit. I got back to Erin's, stretched out a bit and then headed inside the house. Only, the door was locked. The front door was locked. The back door was locked. I had completely forgotten to unlock the back door when I had left the house. I checked all of the windows to see if I could break in and I knocked on the door of the downstairs apartment. No luck. 

I didn't have my phone and I don't even know exactly where Erin works, so I decided to take this moment for exactly what it was - a totally guilt-free ticket to waste an afternoon. I had just loaded the first season of New Girl onto my ipod that morning so I let it play. Let me tell you, if I could dress like Zooey Deschanel everyday, I would be a very happy girl. 

After about 4 or 5 episodes I figured it was time to Erin to come back. No such luck. 10 1/2 episodes later, one of the downstairs housemates came home and let me in. Erin pulled in about 30 minutes after that. Honestly, it really was a lovely afternoon, I just relaxed in the back yard and watched TV all afternoon. And now I know that my ipod battery lasts for about an hour of audio and 11 episodes of a sitcom!

Once I made it inside, I finally got a shower and then we went out on the town and had our traditional Weekend in Logan Dinner at Olive Garden. It was, as usual, just fantastic. It also served well for carb loading before my long run this morning.  I had about 9 miles on the schedule. I did 7 last week and that was my first long run in almost 2 months (did I mention I have a half next week?) I know, I am a smart lady. Anyway. I decided that 9 would be long enough to ensure I don't die next week without being too long to kill me this week. Thankfully, I was right. I ran 9.5 miles through Logan, Providence, and Millville. Have I said yet how beautiful this area is? It is all small town and farms. I just love it. As I ran through Providence, I passed the finish line for the Top of Utah Half Marathon. I ended up running along the race route for about 2 miles. I LOVE doing that. I always feel a little silly, but I love the energy of a race. It made me even more excited for next week!

I also ran passed this lovely little place. It is the Old Rock Chapel, now a B&B and reception center. One of my friends had her wedding reception there last year and it was simply gorgeous. I can't believe it has almost been a year! (Happy upcoming Anniversary Cory and Liz!)

(As a sidenote, the hotel is for sale. 1.5 million. Maybe that is what I should do with my life. It could be like We Bought a Zoo, but with a Bed and Breakfast. Yes?)

Anyway, back to real life. It was a great weekend and I feel to blessed to have such incredibly wonderful friends (especially you, Erin)! And now we are looking at one week.

It is 11:30 pm. That means that next week at this time it will be 10:30pm in California. I will be trying to sleep, but probably won't be able to because I will be racing in the morning! ONE WEEK!

10 Days

Guess what folks?! Sunday, September 2nd officially showed up in the weather.com forecast today. 80 degrees and sunny. I can't believe this race is here!

In other magical news, my new running outfit came in the mail yesterday (Well, all but one piece that comes today). I could have kissed that UPS man on the face! I think that my costume is going to turn out really well. I'll post another sneak peak of the outfit soon.

For now, I am in LOGAN! One of my very dearest friends in all the world lives up here and it has been AGES since I have seen her. We stayed up all night chatting last night. How on Earth would I ever make it on the planet without my best friends? Do guys ever feel this way? Or is it just a girl thing?

Anyway, Im just heading out for a 4 miler. The last time I ran in Logan was for the Ragnar in June. Hopefully I don't have any PTSD from Avon Pass :) Out the door I go!

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Breathing Underwater

This is what I get to see almost every day now. The water is always perfect. I swam a mile today. Maybe it wasn't very fast, but it was a mile. I had a swimming breakthrough this week. I have been swimming fairly regularly again for almost a year and a half. Before that, I was 10 and swimming with the Santa Teresa Sea Otters. I am not a great swimmer, but I really love being in the water. I took a beginning swim class last year in school and learned a lot, but I have found that my greatest improvements have come as I swim. I swim and I try to pay attention to how my body is responding, engaging in the stroke. It just takes time, and every so often, something clicks; the necessity of keeping your hips up, engaging your core, rotating properly...

This week it was breathing. I usually don't swim much more than 100 yds without stopping to take a couple of extra breaths, and even that far isn't common. But something click last time and I have found that, suddenly, I can go more than 300 yds without stopping, I found my groove. I stopped getting nervous and it just flowed. I am excited to see just how far I can go.

While I was swimming I realized that I had learned to breathe underwater. Not literally of course, but I had mastered a skill that would allow me to stay under the water, continually in motion. I realize that I wax philosophical a little often here, but I am about to do it again...

How often do we think that we are incapable of doing something? How often does life seem too hard or too big to handle? More often than I think that we would like to admit. However, what I am discovering lately is that as long as I keep pushing forward, I pretty much always figure things out. In fact, the more I keep pushing through life and attempting to do difficult things (even if I don't do them well) the more I find that things "click." It seems to be the constant effort that counts. While it really does take all of life to figure things out, there are moments where suddenly, what once seemed impossible, and perhaps even life threatening, becomes manageable -- like breathing under water.

7 miles. You can do this now.

I mentioned yesterday that I got some new shoes this week. I took them out for their inaugural run this morning and broke them in with a slow 7 miles. I made the mistake of leaving around 10 in the morning and got caught out in the heat of the day. There were several moments when I would think of the 3 or 4 miles that I still had left to run and I just wanted to give up. I didn't feel like I had the energy to make it all the way home.

But then I would ask myself, "Do you have the strength to run right now?"

I focused on the moment. It didn't matter if I thought I could run 3 miles or 4 miles or even 4 more minutes, what mattered is that, at that very second, I had the strength to run. And I kept running.

A few minutes later, when I was even more tired, I would ask myself the same question, "Do you have the strength to run right now?"

The answer was yes.

Overall, the run was slow, but I learned a very important lesson. Sometimes life is lived by the mile and sometimes it is lived by the second. If the mile is too daunting, just focus on being able to do whatever you are doing RIGHT NOW. I believe that fear is never lived in the moment. When we are in the moment, we are dealing. When we are in the moment, we are truly living. When we are in the moment, we see that we are so much stronger than we think we are.

Here is to living in the moment.

Oh, and although the run seemed hot and long, here are some adventures that I had along the way:

I met a woman from Shanghai, China who was out walking and trying to get to the temple. She told me that I was young and strong...and she was so impressed that I liked spicy Asian food. BAM!

I saw at least 4 parents and 1 grandparent out on bike rides with their children (or grandchildren).

I saw 3 football teams, one soccer team, and one lacrosse team out practicing.

I ran by the park where I helped bury my friend's pet rabbit when I was in 6th or 7th grade. I wonder if they found it when they renovated?

It was an incredibly gorgeous run overall and I am grateful to be strong and healthy and able to get out and enjoy the world. I am also grateful for big glasses of chocolate milk when I come home from enjoying the world as a hot, sweaty, janky mess. That was also a very good moment.

16 Days!

So, yeah. Maybe I have fallen off of the grid...a little. I ended up moving home because I had to leave my last apartment a month earlier than I had anticipated. Being as that I am still unemployed...it doesn't seem like the time to be signing new housing contracts, so home again, home again jiggity jig! Home is great, but things have been busy. I have been indulging in some DIY projects, most especially repainting my little sister's room to make it big sister ready. I stripped wall paper, washed walls, mudded, and painted the room I am going to be staying in. I also had the good fortune of popping down to Cedar City for a couple of days at the Utah Shakespeare festival with my darling friend Janine. 

One of the best things about living in American Fork is the outdoor pool at the fitness center here. It is AMAZING! There are also some great little running trails close by and we are not too far from what I consider to be one of the most beautiful canyons in Utah. While I hope to be employed sooner than later...I think I could get used to this! 

Speaking of being active, The Disneyland Half Marathon is in 16 days! Oh my goodness! Ready or not, here I come!

In awesome news, I have finally decided on what I am going to wear! Here is a preview:

I bought new shoes last week (Brooks Ghost) and I ordered all of the Nike stuff today. I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve, I can't wait for all of my stuff to come in the mail! I also can't wait to show you how it all comes together!