I wasn't supposed to be a runner...

"The magic of a marathon isn't in the 26.2 miles on raceday; it's in the nearly 500 miles of training that happens in the months before. It's the countless feelings, frustrations, and fears I have worked through while running... You see, I wasn't supposed to be a runner. But I am. And my life is better because I chose to be one." 

 - Stacy Lucier

I was never supposed to be a runner. I was ALWAYS the "not athletic" one. I stubbornly walked the fun run when I was in high school just show the world how "not athletic" I was. They couldn't make me do it!!!

Then, a few years ago, I started running. It was partly to lose weight and partly because I think I was somehow starting to get wise to the fact that telling my body it didn't need exercise wasn't *actually* replacing it's need to get out and move. And you know what? I was surprised at how happy it made me. What had I been missing out on?! Had I even realized how happy I wasn't when I wasn't running? On some level I started to understand that I had been without true energy, clarity, and rainbow colored happiness!  I loved it!!! I was slow and I got injured all the time - and that was ok!  I liked myself for it! I was doing something I had never done before! Every run was longer, every mile was faster, every step was one step further than I had ever gone before!

Then, 9 months ago I moved.

I packed up my little mazda and moved 600 miles away from my friends, my family, and my routine. I moved away from the canyon where I used to run and the gym where I used to go to spin class. You want to know something that is not a secret? Transition is hard. Transition is heavy. I would love to say that I soared through that time on my running shoes like a bird coasting above the storm and that I ran my troubles away, but I didn't. I ate oreos. The difficulty made my feet weigh a thousand pounds and all I wanted to do was stay in my bed and not have to face finding safe running routes and working new shoes into my post-grad pathetic budget. Was it really even worth it? 

While lounging in bed and looking at my phone, Instagram showed me pictures of happy, fit women who were running double digit-miles every morning and had perfectly sculpted abs, dream jobs, adorable children, and for whom the sun smiled when it awoke every morning. They kept posting things like, "It doesn't matter how fast or far you go, if you run, you are a runner." Really? I mean, I actually have a lot of love for those women and have found many of them to be a source of inspiration to me, but as I looked at their negative splits and amazing quads, I wondered if they really thought I was in the same camp or even country as them. Maybe I wasn't a runner after all. I was never going be that. I was back to square one. 

Even if I did want to return to running, it would mean conquering basic runs again. It would mean hauling my significantly larger butt out the door and slogging through incredibly slow miles with more than a couple of walk breaks (which would surely be disguised as returning text messages midrun, needing to retie my shoes, or take a photo of the awesome sunset that I just had to post on instagram). How had I gotten this far from last year? I ran my first half marathon last year - and then I ran 3 more! How could I start again when every run would remind me how much I had regressed? 

Honestly? I don't know. 

The only answer I have is that I know that I can do it. Because I already did. I know that, while I feel behind, I am certainly stronger than when I first started. Falling behind doesn't negate everything I have done before! Maybe my legs or my lungs aren't as strong as they were 9 months ago, but they remember. There is still so much residual goodness! I know what it is like to be strong. I know how good it feels to get up early and feel that rush of endorphins that will carry  me through the day. Why do I fight that? I fight it because it isn't easy for me. It's hard! I have to haul all 5 feet 10 inches and 9 months of oreos around with me! I have to get up early, change my clothes, wash my clothes - A LOT! cause I sweat A LOT!, I have to wear a sports bra! WHA?! I am not fast! I am not fit! I am not a runner! I wasn't supposed to be a runner! I was supposed to be able to skate through life not caring about all of this stuff! But here I am! I can't fight it. At the end of the day, fast or slow, short or far...running makes me happy. And it turns out that I am worth the work. 

So I am resigned.  Running, I love you against my better judgement! 

I am a runner. And I love it. I guess I'll see you out on the road. 

NOVEMBER! I'M THANKFUL!

Wow. It's November. That means that 2013 is like, tomorrow. You know how the end of the year goes. Once November hits, it's all over. 

But I do love November. Since the rise of social media, there has been a trend this time of year to make daily posts throughout November of something that you are grateful for. It is a great opportunity to take stock of your blessings and maybe regain some healthy perspective on just how good we all have it in this life. 

Today  my December issue of Runner's World came. The cover article is one on "Real Runners." You know, those of us who aren't pretend - like those robot professional runners out there in the world. The article highlights everyday people who get out and pound the pavement. Some have been running for a year, and some have been running their entire lives. This got me thinking about my own journey.

I just ran my fourth half marathon (this year and, in fact, ever)  about 3 weeks ago. I have never been much of an athlete, and had actually convinced myself that I "just wasn't like that."  My body just didn't work like that. It wasn't good at working out, and it certainly wasn't good at running. 

Now, I haven't become an amazing runner who wins lots of races; I struggle to keep up a good routine, and I am certainly a middle-of-the-pack, if not a back-of-the-middle-of-the-pack runner. But I love it. I love knowing that my body is capable of so much more than I ever thought it was. I love the feeling that comes when you run one more mile further than you ever have before. I love the powerful lesson of just putting one foot in front of the other, even when it seems like you can't take another step. I love having a new view of myself, knowing that I can do hard things.

So, for day one of being grateful, I am grateful for running.  I am grateful for what it has taught me, and grateful that it has made both my body and my soul stronger.  

The Happiest Half on Earth!

I did it! Coast to Coast! I ran the Disney World Half in January and just complete the Disneyland Half! And the best part is that my Dad got to be there for this one! He ended up getting into LA late Friday night and was there to pick me up at the airport Saturday morning. That was a miracle folks. He had been stuck in Canada for THREE WEEKS and just happened to make it out the day before I got to California. I was so grateful!

We hit up the expo on Saturday and carb loaded at Naples in Downtown Disney. We hit up Sephora after dinner and we didn't get back to the hotel until midnight.  I set my alarm for 3:30am and tried to fall asleep at quickly as possible. Although I didn't get much sleep, I was wide awake at 3:30. I got my outfit together, set my garmin, strapped on my ipod and my ifitness belt with my phone and camera and headed down to my corral.

I will say there that it is absolute heaven staying on property for a Disney race. Not having to deal with parking and early morning traffic was a dream come true!

At 5:45 the race began and we were off! For the Disneyland race you run through the parks first thing.  There were a lot of great character photo ops, and it was really cool to be able to run through the new Cars Land at dawn when things were still lit up. It is AMAZING and seriously feels just like being in Southern Utah.

My favorite character of the day was Louis the Alligator from The Princess and the Frog. There were separate lines for him and then for Tiana and Naveen. There weren't many people in line for Louis, so I hopped in his line. When I got to the front I ran up to him and I am pretty sure I gave him a hug. He grabbed me and started dancing around, I danced right along.  I think that I said something to the effect of, "I wish I could just take you with me."  At that, he grabbed my hand, left his line, and started to run down Main Street with me!

We ran further than I am sure was appropriate and then Louis turned to head back to his photo line. I said I would come along because I still needed a photo with Tiana and Naveen. Louis grabbed me once again and bypassed the line for Tiana and Naveen and we both got a picture with the Frog Prince and Princess. As I was backing away into the pack of runners Louis pointed at himself, drew a heart in the air, and then pointed at me. I said that I loved him too. It was such a fun moment, exactly what these Disney races are all about.

After the parks, we headed out onto the streets of Anaheim. The sun was high, but the heat wasn't too bad. We ran past lots of classic cars that had been parked along the route, a Mexican dancing group, a Polynesian dancing group, endless cheerleaders and high school marching bands, and several boy and girl scout troops. In fact, the scouting troops lined the entrance and filled the seats in the Angels Stadium.  The stadium was at mile nine and was a much needed boost at the end of the run.

At about mile 11 I pulled my phone out to call my Dad and tell him to expect me soon. I found this on my phone:

My best friend Amy had sent me this picture of her girls cheering for me. I am not telling a lie when I say that it made me cry a little.

I finished the last two miles of the race in high spirits. I high fived Donald Duck at the finish line and claimed my medals. It was an incredible, magical race, and I wouldn't be surprised if I find myself racing with the Mouse again!